First off, he is super hot and I would bone him in a heartbeat but he also has a very strange resemblance to that of the man I am currently seeing. It's something in the eyes that makes them look the same, or it the very mischievous smile that you just can't figure out. They both have this expression that leaves you wanting more because they are so complex and interesting that they themselves will never tell you what they are really thinking. You have to figure it out for yourself. I love figuring people out.
Also I have always had a strange fascination with serial killers, ever since I was probably about 13 years old. I love watching documentaries about them, reading books about them and just learning about what makes them tick. Probably for reasons that are not good according to most people. I am very apathetic to most people unless for some reason I should care about them or it's like I "know" I care about them but I don't really feel anything. Mother says this is normal for sane people because I know how to keep my emotions separate. I suppose that is true but sometimes I wonder if me not feeling anything is bad. I feel anger and stress and that is about it. This is why I understand Dexter so well, go on living life not feeling anything and just doing things to fit in. I know I'm not as messed up as he is but on a somewhat similar wavelength I believe it's kind of the same. Could I kill someone? Probably.
I got in a fight once when I was drunk, I don't remember it at all but I all I know is I only hit her once and I broke her nose. 5 girls ganged up on me and all I got was a little bit of a black eye. My point is that if I was sober and got into a fight I don't know how far it would go. I worry that I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I don't know what I am capable of. People who pick fights with me should be worried about this if they want to live to see tomorrow.
So am I like Dexter or am I mostly normal? In all possibility I could become something like Dexter if I had to. I do what needs to be done when no one else wants to do it, I have been this way all my life and I don't see it changing anytime soon.
On a more human note,
I needed someone the other day. Like actually really needed someone.
Jeff, I realized I need him around when I am feeling shitty or when I don't want to face a large problem alone. This is weird for me because I rarely if ever feel like I "need" anything or anyone. I am very independent and can do everything by myself but yesterday I really felt it. Karen from the woman's comity called me to remind me of the meeting today and the members meeting after. I always love going but this time I just don't want to. After all the stuff that has happened at work I just don't want to go and least of all alone. Jeff is gone on his holidays fishing so he won't be back until sometime tomorrow. I guess I really just want him there for support and to back me up when I fail but either way it's just something new for me.
Just another sign telling me he is perfect for me.
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